what a fucking piece of shit. you've been home since mid-april. here i was thinking you got home in may like you said you would.
I fought with brad again tonight on the phone. He is a piece of fucking shit too. i can't stand him anymore. nothing but fucking shit to complain about how i do everything wrong.
I cry hearing him say the things he does to me. I cry from his shitty words and catch myself crying over you at the same time.
again, again. everyday, I wake up hoping to hear something from you. It is pretty clear that I never will. I was counting on the lack of time..but if you wanted to call, you would have a long time ago. OF COURSE i can see this but i never really believe it. otherwise, you would have left my head long fucking long ago.
i feel like i'm going to die from all this. i try and try to make sense of you and what I meant to you. that just have may been nothing. I know you just didn't want this. i know it wasn't right for either one of us. Give me fucking strength. I feel like i don't have anything left to dream.
Everytime someone walks by, I half catch myself holding my breath. I imagine that day when you knock at my door again. but it has been forever and your silence is deafening.
and i still can't find the words. after 5 months, still....i have nothing to say to you because none of it is ever strong enough to move your stubborn ass my way. THIS IS HELL!
FUCK!
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